The X Files Porn Parody Review

I watched it purely for academic purposes, I swear! But it was interesting. The Mark Snow-esque music was a nice, if weird, touch (it was very clearly modelled on the original theme tune, but it sounds so off when you’re used to the real thing), and the opening credits were really close to the actual credits. Including the agents (it still feels weird calling them Mulder and Scully) bursting through a door, and taglines like ‘knowledge denied’ and ‘the truth will be reborn’. Kimberley Kane does do a passable Scully – in terms of looks at least, though Anthony Rosano’s Mulder less so.

I will freely admit to cringing through a lot of it. I kinda really didn’t want to watch it, but did at the same time. The sound quality on my copy wasn’t great, and the picture was in black and white on the TV (in colour on the laptop but my laptop has a habit of crashing when I ask it to do complex things, like play DVDs) so I had to put up with that.

Pencils! The Poster! Arlene!

I kept replaying all the lines in my head, the way Mulder and Scully would really say them. Since when would Mulder tell Skinner he’ll call him when he knows more?! I paused the DVD – out of habit – when I went into the kitchen to get my soup, then realised I’d paused it on a porn scene. A very long porn scene between Skinner and his secretary. I’m not a prude, really, I’m not – but there’s a big difference between reading PWP and watching it, especially where any XF characters are involved!

1013 Carter Way! Mulder making porn jokes! Mulder making more porn jokes! Scully explaining Mulder’s behaviour (albeit in a very un-Scullylike way)!

“You’ve been acting distant for a few days now.” This is like fic! Ok, I know they will ATTHS in this, but so much fic has M&S talking about their feelings, why someone’s distant, beforehand.

This could so easily be a casefile on the show. Minus the huge amount of sex, obviously. Crowley, sex magic – the writer definitely did his job.

Sleepy Time Suites Hotel! Oh it gets better =D They have adjoining rooms. And Mulder walks in on Scully naked. “I wasn’t peeping he said.” He lies. Aw, I actually like these characters. They’re not the real deal, but the way it’s been done is definitely a testament to how much the writer/producer loved the show.

Even the camera angles are similar to the ones used on the show. Close ups of door knobs (and other knobs, but we never saw those on TXF) and the like. And Mulder watching porn, of course.

They have Mulder being cryptic, as ever.

How many times have we had this dialogue:

Special Agent Fox Mulder. This is Special Agent Dana Scully. May we come in?” And to be fair the delivery wasn’t that bad.

Talking about Scully settling down in a few years. It’s reminiscent of that scene in Home. You know. That scene.

This Scully isn’t as badass as our Scully. Her delivery is much less forceful and self assured.

Their first suspect even looks like an XF villian.

A surveillance scene! Wonder if there’s an iced tea in that bag… And Mulder talking about scripture. Is there nothing he doens’t know? Even if this Mulder isn’t our Mulder.

Mulder saying “Let’s see how spooky he is”? ROFL!!

Torches and dark rooms. Plus MS music and shadowy images of someone there, watching our heroes.

Mulder’s response to Scully’s “just the bedroom”: “Must be where the magic happens.”

They really did their work on copying the poses. There are a couple that look like they’ve come straight out of promo posts.

Did the ‘Mulder, we’re leaving’ bit remind anyone else who’s seen this of HTGSC?

There are some parts of this that remind me of GenderBender. The threesome with Lilith in the alleyway (along with cheesy dance music!).

Porn dialogue is so bad! It’s a good job most XF fic writers are better than porn film writers.

I love how Mulder jumps from cult killings to Lilith to the killer being Lilith herself. Oh how true that rings to the real Mulder.

Never thought I’d hear Scully utter the words ‘Satan’s whore’…

Woah. She actually looks like Scully when she’s doing the autopsy. That is scary.

There was a line that said “Stomach contents include…” and I was really hoping that last word would be pizza! It was a very Bad Blood moment.

Oh, Mulder’s drugged again! And saved by Scully. Nice nod to gender roles there!

Someone on Haven commented wondering whether Barton’s ‘bugger you’ comment to Mulder is a nod to slash. I’m not sure if it is, though I like the idea. And I think the writer would be aware enough of fic to do it.

Morley Meat Factory!

Clangs in the machinery – that reminds of the bit in Squeeze where Tooms comes down the ventilation shaft but all you hear for a while are clangs and bangs.

The metamorphosis into Scully is similar to Eddie Van Bludnht’s turning into Mulder.

Would the real Mulder have given Barsons up so quickly I wonder.

“That’s quite a story Agent Mulder.” Such a Skinner comment!

Don’t run away from me Mulder. I’m not running. I’m walking. Calmly. Lines straight out of fic.

Oh and Mulder turns up at Scully’s place. I was expecting a through the keyhole shot like in Small Potatoes. Especially with the ‘is everything ok?’ comment.

And there’s hand holding! And talking about Samantha and knowing what happened to her! They really did set this following canon didn’t they. Apart from Mulder telling Scully the best part of his day is when she walks into the office. And there’s Mulder confessing his love, and not wanting to ruin the frieship or the progessional relationship! ATTH Forehead Sex!! Aw. That’s actually a kinda sweet kiss. A lot of people on Haven commented that it’s what CC should have given the fans. Not sure if I agree with that, noromo that I am, but it’s more than we got in the series. And kinda better done. At least it’s acknowledged, rather than being kinda slotted in in between MOTW and Mytharc. Wow. The next scene is much more than we got in the series! Still can’t quite bring myself to watch them actually, y’know, make the beast with two backs. It is Mulder and Scully after all. Kinda. But the music is much more romantic than typical porn music. Which is good. Haha, Scully says ‘goddamnit’ quite a lot. I keep expecting it to be followed by ‘Mulder’ – that’d be more like what we’re used to.

Oh dear. Scully saying ‘it’s really big’ creased me up! Fic is coming true.

I’ve only just noticed that Scully’s wearing her cross! While having sex!

Since when has Mulder had a foot fetish??

There is a Never Again Tattoogasm face! Oh dear me, that cracked me up.

Why didn’t they cover up the tattoos the guy playing Mulder has? Not to sound horrible, but they don’t look like particularly well done tattoos, and they’ve played pretty close attention to most other things (see: pencils, poster, cross). Why not that?

Anyone watching me watching this scene (which has gone on for bloody ages, by the way) would think I was watching some kind of slasher, necrophiliac thing. Seriously – I’m sure my face will stay this way if the wind changes!

Ew! Cum shot.

But at least there’s snuggling at the end. Unlike most porn films I’d have thought! Mulder and Scully look very happy.

Behind the Scenes Footage
Kimberley Kane seems to have taken a lot of notice of GA’s acting – ‘Scully acts with the eyes’.

They both say there’s on camera chemistry, good chemistry, between the two actors. The way they interact is actually a lot like how GA and DD interact in interviews – lots of looking at each other to confirm what’s being said, etc.

Kimberley Kane was a fan of the show and the movies and wants to get the box sets. She says she was going to watch it all, but the cool thing about XF online is that you can’t pirate it or find it online anywhere(!).

They both watched episodes to prepare, including the pilot, the first 8 eps and the movies. Kimberley Kane said she read the script for the parody – she’d been offered Scully roles before and didn’t take them because they were too cheesy – but she psyched to get this as New Sensations does good parodies.

There was a question asked about the easy/hard parts of character portrayal. The big thing they talked about was the sexual tension building through the parody between Mulder and Scully. By the end Kimberley wanted to have an explosive, passionate sex scene. She said it was important to build up that Mulder and Scully will have sex and it will rule!

Interviewer asks why they didn’t become a couple on the show! Kimberley says they did, but they weren’t a good couple – good partners but there was a scewed dynamic between them. Anthony commented that they had such disparate energies even after the consumation of the relationship; Mulder is extreme, Scully reserved. He does say they had a good counterbalance though. He said it’s similar to how him and Kimberley work off each other. Plus Kimberley is hot as fuck (which reminded me of Froike’s ‘remotely plausible’ comment!).

They mention they get 4 hours of sleep each day – it’s like the real XF!

Kimberly also refers to rolling stone cover and says for so many people there was the “fantasy to see Mulder and Scully together so we’re going to be fulfilling that fantasy in this movie.”

(Side note: Anthony knows the difference between an incubus and a succubus!)

He talks about this Mulder being a complex character – or as complex as can be in a porn parody. He says there’s a mix of belief and cynicism and that duality gives him grit. He’s a threat to the rest of the agency as he’ll go to where it’s spooky and clandestine in search of answers. He also says for once he’s not a dork (in a porn parody) which I thought was interesting – Mulder can be pretty dorky =D

There was a big black freeze with ‘What about the tension?’ written on it!

Both actors comment on how the tension builds and the way they (1013) wrote it into the eps kept on creating more and more tension, but also gave depth to the relationship. They said it would be interesting to see how that plays out while shooting the parody – they don’t get to the sex scene til 6th day so that plays on the sexual tension.

(The cameraman doing the interviews seriously does not know anything about TXF. He was going on about how it was all paranormal and then they brough the aliens in because Mulder didn’t want to believe and they had to find a way to make him, or something! I kinda want to write in and tell him exactly where he’s gone wrong.)

All in all it was interesting to watch. The sex scenes were tedious after a while – the few that I started to sit through I got bored with – but the casefile was interesting and could easily have come straight out of the series. Hearing about the behind the scenes stuff was really interesting, though I’d have loved to hear from the writer – why he did it, how much of a fan he was of the show, etc.

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One thought on “The X Files Porn Parody Review

  1. Pingback: 2014 Blog in Review | bethanvjones

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